The Complete Inspector Morse Read online

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse concludes Valerie is dead within minutes of being given the case. He decides the letter apparently sent home by Valerie is a forgery and indubitable proof that she was murdered.

  When Baines is murdered, Morse concludes the killer also slew Valerie.

  Morse and Lewis separately come to the conclusion that Mrs Taylor murdered her daughter, then dressed up as Valerie and walked away from the family home to make it seem the teenager was still alive. They think Mrs Taylor bullied her husband into helping dispose of the body. Morse supplies a motive for the killing – Valerie was sleeping with her stepfather.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: Lewis was a light middle-weight boxing champion in the Armed Forces. There are hints Lewis may have contemplated, or even committed, adultery but he declines to elaborate.

  Lewis says he is an acknowledged expert at modern maths. He does all his kids’ maths homework.

  The sergeant is acquiring a taste for dried-up chips, thanks to the irregular hours he keeps with Morse.

  Mrs Lewis refuses to let her husband work when he gets ill. He is relieved to get back to work. Mrs Lewis complains that he gets under her feet.

  PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Morse tells Yvonne that no one ever calls him by his Christian name. Hardly surprising, since he so rarely discloses it!

  SOUNDTRACK: Morse attends the visiting English National Opera performance of Die Walküre. But the audience is restless, the tenor performing Siegmund develops a croaking throat and the soprano singing Sieglinde sweats profusely. Morse retreats to the bar. Later he savours the Solti recording of Die Walküre.

  The inspector listens lovingly to the Brandenburg Concerto No. 5 in D on Radio 3, but switches off a Schönberg string quartet. It is a little over his head.

  Morse repeatedly sings the first and only verse he can remember of ‘Lead, Kindly Light’ in a mournful baritone while driving home from Wales.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Morse reads his horoscope while sitting with Lewis: ‘This week will certainly blossom if you spend it with someone witty and bright.’

  Morse laughs when Lewis suggests stealing sugar as an act of villainy: ‘Your mind, as always, Lewis, leaps immediately to the limits of human iniquity!’

  Morse concedes that one of his murder theories is a bit fanciful without a body. Chief Superintendent Strange goes further: ‘It’s a bit fanciful with a body.’

  Dexter neatly illustrates Lewis’ struggles to keep up with Morse’s explanation of Baines’ murder: ‘“I see,” said the blind man.’

  SURVEILLANCE REPORT: This book begins Colin Dexter’s frequent practice of prefacing each chapter with an apt quotation. Among those quoted are Hardy, Chaucer and Dickens, alongside humorists, columnists, proverbs and gospels. Oscar Wilde provides two quotations while Shakespeare contributes four. The last is from Henry VI Part II and will supply the title of the last Morse novel.

  Morse decides to ask for Lewis’ help again. He likes the sergeant. They both follow the football pools – without success. Morse reads five times as fast as Lewis.

  The inspector is an academic snob, dismissing much of the modern education curricula as sub-disciplines. He has nothing but contempt for sociology and sociologists. Morse is terrified of spiders. He is in his mid-forties. He has anti-Welsh prejudices. His favourite Kipling short story is ‘Love O’ Women’.

  Sheila Phillipson sees Morse as a slimly built man with a clean, sensitive mouth, wide light-blue eyes and a nice voice.

  Max makes his debut, although he’s not named and is described merely as a humpbacked surgeon.

  For the second book running Lewis is made nauseous by the sight of a dead body. This characteristic would soon be adopted by Morse.

  Morse defends coincidence by noting that the 46th word from the beginning and the 46th word from the end of the 46th psalm in the Authorised Version spell ‘Shakespear’.

  THE VERDICT: Last Seen Wearing is a twisting, turning mystery tale with most of the confusion generated by Morse’s own convoluted theories. The murder investigation takes a back seat to characterisation as the chief inspector’s methods send him and Lewis from pillar to post and back again. Morse gets it right before the end of the book, only to be duped by the killer.

  The second Morse novel is a clever story riddled with misdirection, but the central characters seem to frequently forget what they’re trying to achieve. Morse even has to remind Lewis that they’re looking for Baines’ murderer. There is a touch of déjà vu as Mrs Phillipson offers the third false confession in two books. As the novel ends, Morse hardly cares that a murderer has escaped. It’s an unsatisfying conclusion to a book that never quite comes together.

  THE SILENT WORLD OF NICHOLAS QUINN

  ‘The obvious was usually the very last thing that occurred to Morse’s mind.’ Morse gets side-tracked by an X-rated red herring as academics start dying in a conspiracy of killings.

  FIRST PUBLISHED: 1977

  STORYLINE: The Foreign Examinations Syndicate’s board meets to appoint a new staff member to replace George Bland. The permanent secretary, Dr Bartlett, favours a man called Fielding. But the board is swayed by one of its members, Mr Roope, who argues that Quinn’s deafness should not be held against him. The board accordingly votes in favour of Quinn.

  Several months later, Quinn is settling in at the syndicate, which organises examinations for students in foreign countries seeking an English education and qualifications. Quinn is a natural at lip-reading.

  Emissaries from the Sheikhdom of Al-jamara visit the syndicate and host a party at the Sheridan. Quinn lip-reads the exchanges of those attending. Afterwards, Ogleby takes Quinn aside for a conversation.

  Nearly three weeks later, Roope catches a train from Paddington to Oxford. He gets a taxi to the syndicate building in the late afternoon, where Noakes the caretaker seems to be the only person present. Noakes notices Quinn’s car is still in the rear carpark. The caretaker says Dr Bartlett held a fire drill at midday. Roope leaves papers on the secretary’s desk.

  Several days later, one of the syndicate staff goes to Quinn’s home. Donald Martin discovers Quinn is dead and calls the police. A sherry bottle beside the body contains poison. Recently purchased shopping sits on the kitchen table. The police pathologist estimates the time of death as Friday or Saturday, cyanide poisoning the cause.

  Morse and Lewis interview the syndicate staff. Neither Bartlett, Ogleby, Martin nor language specialist Monica Height can recall seeing Quinn on Friday afternoon. The detectives search Quinn’s office. Lewis finds an old letter to Bland from the Al-jamara Education Department. Morse realises it contains a coded message about a package being ready.

  Morse gives the syndicate staff advance warning that he wants to know their movements on Friday, giving them time to concoct alibis. Noakes tells Morse about Quinn’s vehicle being in the carpark late on Friday when Roope visited. Everyone else was out of the building. Noakes recalls seeing Quinn drive away.

  Quinn’s cleaner says she visited his home twice on Friday, once at three and again at 6.15 pm. She had to split her work to get a prescription filled for her sick husband. She left a note for Quinn at four and then found a note from him when she returned.

  Monica tells Morse she spent Friday afternoon at home with her lover – Donald Martin, a married man. The inspector senses she is lying. Ogleby tells Morse that Bland runs the syndicate’s business in Al-jamara now. Ogleby says he was in the syndicate building from 3.30 pm on Friday, contradicting the evidence of Noakes.

  Morse learns Monica’s daughter was home on Friday afternoon – Height and Martin lied. The inspector finds half a cinema ticket among Quinn’s possessions. It comes from an early afternoon screening of sexploitation film The Nymphomaniac at Studio 2. The cinema manager says someone called on Friday afternoon, asking about ticket numbering.

  Monica admits she went to Studio 2 on Friday afternoon with Martin, who confirms the fact. The lovers are stunned when Morse says Quinn was also there. Morse accuses Ogleb
y of going to Studio 2 as well, but he denies it.

  Bartlett invites Morse home for dinner. Bartlett’s son Richard is a schizophrenic. The Bartletts spend thousands getting him treatment. Morse receives a call – Ogleby has been murdered at home. Bartlett says Quinn had accused him of leaking exam papers.

  Monica found Ogleby’s body and is taken to hospital in shock. Among Ogleby’s possessions the detectives find a drawing of the torn half-ticket previously found among Quinn’s possessions. Neither Bartlett nor Roope can provide alibis for the time of Ogleby’s murder.

  In Al-jamara, George Bland flees after receiving telegrams from England.

  Morse finds a medical book among Ogleby’s things which has a passage on cyanide highlighted. Ogleby’s doctor says the deputy secretary only had 18 months to live, due to a rare blood disease. The doctor thinks Ogleby would choose suicide by cyanide.

  Morse arrests Roope. But he can prove his alibi and the inspector lets him go. Morse has Roope followed, however.

  At a special meeting of the syndicate board, Morse says Roope has been arrested again. Roope colluded with Bland to sell syndicate secrets. Quinn discovered this during the party and told Ogleby of his suspicions. Morse says two people were responsible for the murders. Quinn was killed and his body put into the boot of his car during the fire drill, while everyone else was out of the building. Roope arrived later, pretended to be Quinn and drove the dead man’s car home. He bought groceries to push back the time of Quinn’s death, wrote a note for the cleaning lady and moved the body into the house once she had gone. The cinema ticket was another ruse to fool the police.

  Monica tells the meeting she saw Bartlett leaving the cinema on Friday as she went in. Morse has the secretary arrested. He believes Bartlett needed money to pay for Richard’s treatment. The inspector says Ogleby was in the building on Friday afternoon, but no one saw him. That was when he saw and sketched the ticket later found with Quinn.

  Morse belatedly realises he is mistaken about Roope’s accomplice. Quinn misread the name Doctor Bartlett for Donald Martin when lip-reading at the party. The police go to Martin’s house and question his wife. Martin attacks Morse, who is rescued by Lewis.

  UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Morse holds Monica’s eye a fraction longer than necessary when they first meet. She likes his voice and hopes he will be questioning her. The inspector has already allocated himself that job. Morse wonders how the rest of the staff keep their hands off her. He admires her full breasts and considers her eminently beddable.

  The inspector senses himself falling for her charms during the interview. He later tells Lewis he thinks Monica probably drops her knickers pretty sharpish. When he learns she is having an affair with Martin, Morse calls her a tart. She hates him for this cruelty. Later he realises again how desirable she will always be to lonely men like himself.

  Most of the typists at the Foreign Examinations Syndicate think Morse is a bit dishy.

  DRINK UP, LEWIS: Morse and Lewis go to a pub after visiting Quinn’s home. Morse has a second pint and persuades his sergeant to have a half.

  The detectives walk past the Horse and Trumpet pub but it is closed. Lewis is relieved – he’s had enough beer and would rather have a cup of tea.

  Morse makes Lewis pour them both a sherry. It’s a trick to show how easily Quinn could have served himself the fatal drink. Morse drains his sherry in a gulp, pours another and likens it to drinking lemonade.

  The detectives go back to the Horse and Trumpet for a drink, but Morse is uninterested in his beer. He is so deep in thought, Lewis finishes his pint while Morse has hardly touched his own! He is still in the pub when Monica arrives. He soon buys her a gin and Campari, which proves expensive.

  Morse meets with Roope in the Black Dog pub at St Aldates. The inspector drinks a pint while waiting, and Roope buys him another. They walk to Oxford railway station and get another beer.

  Morse drinks sherry before dinner with the Bartletts.

  Lewis is surprised when Morse comes into the station after 10.00 pm and has not been drinking. The inspector invites him for a drink but the pubs are shut. Morse has already purchased six pint bottles of beer.

  Morse gets slightly over-beered at lunch as the case draws to an end.

  ONE FOR THE MORGUE: Nicholas Quinn is poisoned with cyanide by Donald Martin. Philip Ogleby is killed with a savage blow across the back of his skull by Donald Martin.

  MURDERS: two. BODY COUNT: two.

  INCREASE YOUR VOCABULARY: Morse thinks Monica looks biddable (willing).

  THE MANY LUSTS OF MORSE: The female manager of Studio 2 sounds young and pretty to Morse. He flirts with her over the phone.

  At times Morse loses all interest in the female sex, but not very frequently.

  CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse tries to sharpen his brain one morning with the Times crossword. It takes him twelve and a half minutes, not his best time that week. He gets stuck on one clue: ‘In which are the Islets of Langerhans (8)’. The correct answer is ‘pancreas’. When Morse visits Monica in hospital that day, she has only managed a few of the clues.

  YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, LEWIS: Morse congratulates his sergeant for discovering the coded letter sent to Bland: ‘Lewis, my boy, you’ve done it again!’

  MORSE DECODED: As a young army recruit, Morse was almost driven mad by the prickly vests, shirts and trousers of service issue clothing. His mother always told him he had extremely sensitive skin.

  Morse used to wear a scarf and tie when he was an undergraduate – sometimes a blazer too. He invited a flighty little nurse back to his rooms in Iffley Road and she insisted on bringing a bottle because her father kept a pub. Morse had asked for Scotch and she agreed, not because she liked the taste but because it made her feel all sexy. Morse saw a lot of the nurse that night...

  PORN TO BE WILD: Morse finds a recent copy of Playboy in Quinn’s home. Lewis catches him scanning a succession of naked breasts and crotches. Morse guiltily puts the magazine back.

  The inspector reads pathology reports like a dedicated pornophilist seeking out the juiciest crudities.

  Martin, Monica and Bartlett all go to the Studio 2 cinema to see X-rated film The Nymphomaniac, starring Inga Nielsson and her 40-inch bosom. Big Inga seems a most inviting prospect to Morse. He treats Lewis to a viewing of the film when the case is concluded.

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: The inspector decides Quinn had company in Studio 2 on Friday afternoon – in fact Quinn was already dead at the time. Later Morse suggests Ogleby was the killer. Last but not least, he arrests Bartlett for the murder before realising the true identity of the culprit.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: Lewis has two daughters. He has never liked his Christian name much. It is not revealed in this book.

  PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Lewis has never thought of Morse as having a first name, and never heard anyone call him by it.

  SOUNDTRACK: The inspector discusses the respective merits of the Solti and Furtwängler recordings of The Ring with Richard Bartlett.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Morse explains the terminology used in a police statement: ‘We never ‘go’ anywhere in the Force, you know. We always ‘proceed’.’

  Morse allays the confusion of a suspect: ‘Oh, don’t worry about that, sir. I often don’t know what I’m getting at myself.’

  A disappointed Morse lashes out at Monica: ‘I’ve got a murder to investigate, and I don’t usually mix much with tarts.’

  Morse wants Lewis to keep Monica talking, but the inspector’s suggested topic of conversation doesn’t help: ‘Ask her whether gin goes straight to her tits, or something.’

  SURVEILLANCE REPORT: The novel is broken into four main sections entitled ‘Why?’, ‘When?’, ‘How?’ and ‘Who?’ Dexter dispenses with his habit of including quotations at the beginning of each chapter.

  The text is preceded by a simple floor plan showing the layout of the syndicate offices.

  Morse likes to think he has a distinguished skull. He is never happy when his black hair grows to
o long. After a haircut he ritually dips his head in a basin of hot water, then shampoos twice to get rid of any stray hairs. Morse feels no guilt about having his hair cut while on duty.

  Morse asks Max to go through Quinn’s pockets. The pathologist wonders if Morse is getting squeamish. Apparently the answer is yes, for the inspector feels nausea rising in his gorge when he see Ogleby’s corpse.

  Morse doesn’t think O-Levels are worth the paper they’re printed on. The poem ‘To His Coy Mistress’ by Andrew Marvell has long formed part of the inspector’s mental baggage. Sometimes Morse wishes he had a wife at home to welcome him, with his slippers warmed and ready.

  Lewis is surprised when Morse takes him to the bachelor flat in North Oxford for the first time in two years. It is comparatively neat and clean. Lewis sips sherry effeminately.

  THE VERDICT: The Silent World of Nicholas Quinn is a return to form, with Morse leaping to conclusions, almost everybody lying about something and the killer having an accomplice. All this makes for a fiendishly complicated whodunit. The relationship between Morse and Lewis takes centre stage, as the detective duo tries to sort the lies from the alibis.

  The last twist of the plot is something only those experienced in lip-reading could have guessed – or devised. Dexter obviously took to heart the old adage that writers should write about what they know in this book, for just like Nicholas Quinn himself, the author is partially deaf and once worked at an examinations board – in Dexter’s case, the Oxford local board. This gives the novel invaluable authenticity.

  SERVICE OF ALL THE DEAD

  ‘I’m in charge of the case for months, and then Morse here comes along and solves it in a fortnight.’ The inspector uncovers a murderous conspiracy that leads to half a dozen deaths.

  FIRST PUBLISHED: 1979

  STORYLINE: The Reverend Lionel Lawson finds proof that the warden of St Frideswide’s church, Harry Josephs, is stealing money from the collection plate. Lawson learns his wife, Brenda, is having an affair with the church organist, Paul Morris. Paul is a music teacher at Roger Bacon School in Kidlington, North Oxford. His son Peter is in the choir at St Frideswide’s. Paul warns his son to beware child molesters. The teacher suspects Reverend Lawson.